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 Post subject: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:43 am 
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Hi, I'm new to this forum, though I've been reading it for some time for inspiration.

I have wanted dreadlocks for a few years now, mainly for 3 reasons:
1) Easy maintenance (I hate combing, my hair tangles like crazy)
2) I like how it looks.
3) It's a symbol of freedom and non-conformity.

Like I said, my hair tangles all the time, it's like I need to brush out a few baby dreads every morning. It feels like my hair is begging to be dreaded. So I made four T&R dreadlocks at the back of my head to try it out.

But I have a long-term boyfriend (for 3.5 years, living together) and he says he hates dreadlocks and finds them disgusting. I know I don't have to listen to him, but I'd hate if he didn't like how I look.

Should I get dreadlocks anyway? I know I must decide this alone, but I could use some insight from the rest of you.

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:49 am 
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I guess you're the only one that could change his mind, go for it!

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:55 am 
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as someone with dreadlocks, i am bound by the dreadlock code to state that you should indeed get dreadlocks. :dreads:

but really, you should decide if you want them. they aren't something that happens overnight. for many, it is a long process that involves a head of crazy, fluffy, loopy madness until dreads form (unless you're christa or carlene :-D ). however, if you're willing to just let go and watch nature happen, you'll find a lot of joy in the progress.

as for your long term partner, i doubt that anything such as hair would be the breaking point (surely there are other qualities on which you built a relationship), and in time he will grow to love them. i mean, in theory and minus botox, you are going to get older and your looks will change, right? and he's not going to dislike how you look then, i assume. just something to think about :)

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:56 am 
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If he can't respect your wishes, too bad for him. Go for it! It's your hair and you decide what your hair looks like.

Also, what Tracee said.

Good luck! :hrt:

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 11:06 am 
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As this is a dreadlock forum you're no doubt going to get many people telling you go just go for it, but I'm more interested as to why your partner doesn't like dreadlocks. If it's just the aesthetics then I think he'll probably get over it and realize rocked dreadlocks can look as attractive as any other hair. But if it's some sort of over hanging cloud of the myths surrounding dreadlocks maybe he could read what I've written about such dreadlock myths. I don't usually link to myself, but it might be useful to you in this situation:

http://lazydreads.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/loose-hair-roots-and-tips.html

Likewise you could take a gander at this one:

http://lazydreads.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/things-to-consider-before-starting.html

Personally I think you should give it a go, but everyone's personal situation is different and what's right for me isn't necessarily right for you or you at this point in time. But I think with dreadlocks, once you've decided you want them...well.... :dreads:

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 11:25 am 
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Honestly, if you want them you should do it. My boyfriend of almost 2yrs and I bump heads about it all the time. He said a couple weeks ago that he misses my unknotted hair but he also knows that I'm not gonna comb them out and that they'll look better over time (mine are just 2 months old). Sometimes he's really fond of them though and calls me medusa and dready pretty affectionately. Ironically after I started, he told me twice that he wanted dreadlocks a while ago but can't have them cause of what he wants to do for a living. Didn't stop me from trying to convince him to start them anyways :P What I've found that works to keep the comments at bay, try and show him (and anyone that gives you flack, really) that they're not disgusting.. I've had people smell my hair and watch me wash my hair to prove my point lol :D
Anyways, my point is to just do it if you want them, he'll come around and maybe he'll want to start his own set or else be super envious of your knots. And if he doesn't come around, there are plenty of other people who'll support you. This entire forum to name a few :) If they're going to make you happy he should understand and support you no matter what.


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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:30 pm 
Like bubbletonic said, there are a lot of misunderstandings and myths about dreads.. like that they dirty (maybe y your SO thinks they discusting?) As well as loads of other silly myths. But seriously its just hair, and unless he's kinda shallow n thinks it'll embarress him to be with u or somet, then he should get used to it in time, if he is like that.. then good riddens, last thing u want is constant negative comments during the hard parts of the process.

Just make him clear about exactly what they are.. clean knotty hair, that's it.. and plus the HUGE fact that for most ppl its a huge turn on :P well so iv heard anyway n is for me :P lol

But what ever you decide, hope it works out for you :) and welcome to dt !


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 Post subject: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:43 pm 
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I'm sure in time he will appreciate that they make you happy, you spend less time working on your hair... And yes, probably that he thinks they're actually pretty attractive. But I think you need to spend a good while talking it over with him. =)

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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:12 pm 
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lovetracee wrote:

but really, you should decide if you want them. they aren't something that happens overnight. for many, it is a long process that involves a head of crazy, fluffy, loopy madness until dreads form (unless you're christa or carlene :-D ). :)


This can't be stressed enough..

I'm 1 year in (Wednesday was a year) and my hair is still a wreck.. don't get me wrong, I have the opposite hair type as you.. my hair doesn't tangle and is really soft with no texture..

Just know, its not a quick process, its long and full of pitfalls, don't make a choice based on anything other than what YOU want..
It puts the lotion on its skin!


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 Post subject: Re: Should I get dreadlocks?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:24 pm 
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I don't fear the dreading process. And I don't care what most of the people will think about my hair. My family thinks it's a horrible idea, so do my friends - and I can live with that. But my boyfriend is an exception...

He doesn't like how it looks and (he thinks) he won't like how it feels to touch. I've spent a lot of time talking to him, showing articles and photos... No change.

In a way I understand him. I would be sad if he (for example) buzz-cut his beautiful long hair. I wouldn't stop him. It just wouldn't make me happy. Now I'd feel guilty if I were to make my hair ugly to him.

And of course neither of us would ever break up over hair. That would be just silly. :razz: This is just a minor bump. Thanks for the replies...


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